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May 15th

Ommm Healing Journey- Trust

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So I guess I wasn’t done forgiving.  I guess all is a lot of forgive.  But somehow I feel I’m getting there.  I forgave because I want to grow and roots that are feeding off of my woundedness will keep me hurting and small.  Forgiveness severs that root and frees that energy to move to a place that offers more nourishment. That is how I found my way finally with forgiveness.  I continue to practice with her daily.

 

And it was quite the month to take her as my teacher.  Perhaps forgiveness hit hard for some of you this past month as well.  For me, a day is drawing near that looms over so many days before it. And this pain I feel is different than one of injustice though it hardly seems fair.  This needs a different kind of forgiveness. One that pays forward. Forgiving the future, releasing it to form however it may, to work on me however it will.  That kind of forgiveness manifests as trust.

 

Trust is letting go of worry so I can focus on now.  Tomorrow I have forgiven already so today can have me fully.  That is the lesson Trust has offered me this month. I owe life my all.

 

Whatever life is going to do, it is going to do.  No matter what will become or be no more in this world, I have faith Love continues in us all.  I forgive what may darken my tomorrows in advance, so that I am free to give more of myself over to the Love that can brighten my now.  Whatever may happen next, if it is good, I trust that Love is never ending and will continue to flow. If it is bad, I trust that Love is never ending and will continue to flow.  I forgive, I trust so I am free to love more.

“Ultimate freedom has nothing to do with your life circumstances – it is the freedom of allowing the self to dissolve into the waves of the ocean. It is the freedom that is born through one’s absolute trust in life.” ― Richard Rudd, The Gene Keys: 55~ The Music of Change

 

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Apr 10th

Ommm Healing Journey- Forgive

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It’s not surprising to me I’m running late on forgiveness.  Seems like a recurring theme in my life. I suppose it is in everyone’s lives in some way.

I was good at holding grudges.  I still am really but I’ve been working on that.  I am really good at remembering grievances. And I had to learn to forgive.  I have so much more living to do and as more living gets behind me, I find some big wounds of yesterday are mere scratches.  And I need to stop picking the scabs and keeping them unhealed.

But sometimes I have a “day”.  And I find myself dipping back in.  Looking for the scars. Looking for things from my past to help fuel some anger of the moment.  I’ve learned to recognize those “days” early. And every time I dip down, I try to change the frequency.  Put on some Marley. “Are you picking up now?”  Zone in on my breath.  Look out a window at the sky.  Ctrl+Alt+Del my sensory system for a second so I can remember I forgave that mess a while back.  I’ve forgiven it all. Mostly because I realize I can’t get higher if I keep going back to it.

The itchiest wounds are the ones I gave myself.  Because I know I’m still in there. The one that can screw up bigtime.  But there’s a new me I’m getting to know who knows how to talk to her. And taught the angry, vengeful me how to chill out.  And I gotta say, life is good.

And yes, I have scars that will always pain me when it rains.  That’s a different forgiveness I’m still learning my way with. It’s the kind of forgiveness that I had to rehabilitate my faith to find.  Forgiveness for things that just kind of happened. Forgiving life for being so very uncontrollable. For all the ways life knocks us around.  That kind of forgiveness is a practice. That is getting back up and staying open to life. It is developing an invincible vulnerability, so powerful the grace of forgiveness.

So everyday I live life as it hits and I forgive myself and the world. Every. Day.  And as part of the bargain, for a truly sustainable forgiveness practice, I have to try to do better.  Every. Day. I have to do my best each day as it comes. So far I’m finding that while forgiveness doesn’t bring justice, doesn’t correct mistakes or reconcile differences, it brings me a a lot closer to those ends than anger, guilt and shame.  Without forgiveness opening my heart, I don’t know that I could understand the heart’s true capacity for love. So I accept that forgiveness is just an ongoing thing that will forever be working on me. I mean, so many textures to all of life’s experiences in this ever evolving world; a world we are all here trying to figure out.  Yeah, I forgive you. I forgive me. I forgive us all. Now let’s do better.

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Mar 15th

Ommm Healing Journeys- Observe

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I walk my dog every day.  Okay almost every day. Most of the time I listen to a podcast.  I generally feel like I’m aware of my surroundings while I walk. Every now and then, though, my sight is lost in my thoughts.  My eyes don’t catch the new patch of moss because they see some imagined future or some moment already spent instead.

Today I just wanted to observe the now.  However it was. I know, I’m just walking my dog on the path I take almost every day.  But today I made a deliberate choice to stay with my senses and open them to anything that captures them along the way.  My expectations weren’t grand. What grand things could I observe walking the sidewalks of regular old suburbia?

Well, first there was this blue.  It was crisp, like the chill in the air. There was a light snowfall overnight.  Scattered patches of tiny snowflakes blew across the surface of the street like smoke.  Then like tiny whirlwinds as a car passed by.

A group of turkey vultures rode a rising stream of air over the treetops in the distance.  There was a faint smell of woodsmoke and frost. When I turned down the hill, the sun made our shadows long in front of us and made tiny sparkles of the snow it touched.  My dog found a branch with rolls of peeling bark that looked like an ancient scroll. He dropped it back down on the sidewalk, next to a tiny curl of chickweed peeking from a crack.

I heard the birds singing.  A song I haven’t heard in a while.  It was light and playful. I scanned the trees for the birds but they were too far away to see who sung.  So I closed my eyes and gave my ears to them. The sunlight seemed to dance across my eyelids and I enjoyed the concert until a blue jay called an intermission.  I opened my eyes to swaying branches weaving through the blue, leaves beginning to bud on every tip.

 

What did I observe?  

This morning I observed promise.  In the blue, in the sun, in the air, in the trees.  In the bird’s song and in the vulture’s circle. I felt the Earth’s quickening. The pulse of its rhythm.   It was much deeper than the promise of spring. It was promise itself. The force that moves us into spring after each winter, into day after each night, into the light from a buried seed.  The drive behind all that is possible. It was out there today. I suspect it is out there everyday in some form or another. In our own nature too. Just waiting for our kind attention and loving consideration.

“If you inquire deeply enough into anything, you will arrive at the revelation that you the observer are intricately bound with that which you observe. At higher levels of frequency, you begin to enter the holistic domain of synthesis in which all phenomena are increasingly seen to affect each other. At a certain stage, the Gift of Inquiry must always lead you back into your Self.” – Richard Rudd, Gene Keys

 

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Feb 12th

Ommm Healing Journey’s: Begin- The Dance

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The world was created by the cosmic divine.  To play within and explore. The world was made to experience.  Everything in this world manifested from some beautiful intelligence that wanted to understand its own nature.  And so created a world to experience and learn. It had to learn how to survive in a material world. Becoming the universe, the planets, the rocks, the rivers, and creatures of the water, earth and sky.  A world of elements evolving all the way into feeling beings. Every bit of material in this world is another way the divine gets to experience itself. So when we deny this world our truest expression of self, we deny the divine dancer its chance to learn new steps.  

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Jan 1st

Ommm Healing Journey: Service, Love Unbonded

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I couldn’t quite separate November’s service theme from October’s grace nor from December’s community.  The link with community seems very obvious. But the way between grace and service may not be obvious at all.   But it comes a little clearer when life is viewed as an opportunity to be of service and each day an opportunity to do better.

That is why I referred to them as faith and practice.  I find the experience of grace to be proof of a higher love.  A release of the binding on our hearts that inspires faith. And I wish to be a servant to this unbinding, so I must practice.  There is grace to be found when we act in service to compassion, when we speak in service to kindness, when we work in service to integrity and live in service to truth.   (more…)

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